Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I had to cum in my sink.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
