This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I stole a fireplace last night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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