Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
