i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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