I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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