There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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