I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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