On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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