i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
