I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
