Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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