I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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