sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
