Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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