Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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