Michael Bay diarrhea
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
