He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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