You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
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Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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