Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
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I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
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Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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