eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
