Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
