Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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