we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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