If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
