I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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