OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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