i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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