no, he came in my armpit
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
