I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
