I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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