Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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