you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
