John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
