I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
