absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
