So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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