I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
