Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
