you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
