I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
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He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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