She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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