we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
