so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
