Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
