kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
