My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
