How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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