She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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