Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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