hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
