I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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