a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
