Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
