Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
