he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
