the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
