why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
