just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
