she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
