that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
