Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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