I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I am available for nakedness
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
