i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
