I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
