He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
