did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
