Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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