Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
