Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
