Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
